Sure… I like keeping up appearances! The bucket lady!! 
The humor thread (formerly Sunday funny)
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Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
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That’s a primo dad joke!
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“Ah! But I am not universally funny. There is a lot of British Humour I cant stand.”
Like the Bucket Lady! I know I know I am hard man to please.
This however this raised a smile 
The Garrison Pub.
A Royal Marine is sitting in the Garrison pub and leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a PARA joke?’’
The guy next to him replies, '‘Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6’ tall, 200 lbs, and I’m a PARA.
"The guy sitting next to me is 6’2’’ tall, weighs 225, and he’s a PARA. The fella next to him is 6’5’’ tall, weighs 250, and he’s also a PARA. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?’’
The Marine raises one eyebrow, rolls up his sleeves and says … ''Nah, not anymore, I just don’t want to have to explain it three times."
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Horse (Lifeguard) Guardsman to Foot Guardsman - Why do Marines run everywhere?
Foot Guardsman - I don’t know is it because they don’t have any trucks?
Likely as not you wont find this funny - You would need to have served in the British Army - Been on sentry duty in a slit trench all night in the pouring rain - and have some understanding of the structure of regiments and traditions of the British Army and what makes them tick. I should add a Guardsman is often referred to as a Tick Tock - whilst The Rifles has it’s origins in various Light Infantry regiments - Look it up on Google - YouTube for a fuller explanation. @JohnM
A young soldier from The Rifles is on Sentry duty at night when he sees a figure approaching his position.
“Halt!” He shouts out.
The figure continues to advance, so the young soldier places his rifle into the shoulder.
“Halt!” He shouts again, but still, the figure comes closer.
The frightened soldier switches his safety catch to fire and once more shouts out “Halt!”
The figure still moves towards him, so he fires three rounds into it.
The next morning, he climbs out of his trench and goes to where the figure once stood. There, bleeding on the floor, is a member of the Grenadier Guards.
“You soppy Twit, I shouted ‘halt’ three times last night,” says the young Rifleman.
Coughing and spluttering blood, the Guardsman looks up at him and says:
“Yes, I know. But you gave it on the wrong foot!”
And finally
No one messes with the SAS
A Taliban commander is patrolling when he hears a shout from behind a sand dune.
“One SAS soldier is better than ten taliban fighters!”
The Taliban commander is enraged at this cheek, so quickly sends his 10 best soldiers over the dune.
A few shots can be heard. When all is quiet there is no sign of the 10 fighters. Another shout rings out.
“One SAS soldier is better than 100 taliban fighters!”
The enraged commander rustles up 100 fighters and sends them over the dune. A firefight erupts. When all is quiet there is no sign of the Taliban fighters. Another shot rings out.
“One SAS soldier is better than 1,000 Taliban fighters!”
The commander, now livid, sends 1,000 fighters over the dune. A firefight lasting one hour ensues. When all is quiet, one dying fighter crawls back over the dune and into the arms of his commander and says:
"Don’t send any more fighters. It’s a trap. There’s two of them!”
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I think one should typically not explain jokes, but I will say this. Many times people think they get this one and they conclude that it just isn’t very witty. Then later, sometimes seconds, sometimes minutes, hours, days and I have had folks even take years… some time later they really GET it. And it is a beautiful thing. I had one friend call me as an adult to say “I got it.” I told it to him either as a kid or teen.
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I… think? I got it 
Your words are making me doubt myself Mike! 
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I sent a PM with a spoiler alert and the explanation. You can read it to confirm at your leisure.
I will refer to another thread here. On the modes thread I made a joke I thought was hilarious (Don’t forget aeolian. It would make it sad if we did.). I got only one like and that was from you @Michael_Mark, so perhaps our humor is aligned.
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I know I know you will give in some time! 
That said, I never try to change anybody as you won’t succeed most of the times but I try to influence people though.
But good joke!
@Archie, I was in NCC (National Cadet Corps, Navy) during school days in India. I know a little bit about the military terminologies - “Parade attention!” “Forward March!” “Left right, left right” “Swing your arms!” “Squad Halt” I have used rifles for target practice as part of it.
I understand this joke! Poor guardsman.
No, not in that sense. Not manipulation! Convince people of what I believe in or try to make people understand to decide or something like that. Isn’t that also a type of influence?? It does not have to be by means of words also, sometimes.
PM sent 
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Reminds of a small desk I got from IKEA. Legs were sold separately.
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@JohnM You’ll note NOT a single officer stepped in it! The joy of having an animal Mascot. Boot inspection followed the parade. Sgt Major!
Yes the British army has a lot of animal mascots.
Goat’s
Sheep
Dogs
Horses and Ponies
Pigeons
Camels
Mules
Elephants
and even a Tiger
I do believe the CIA used cats as spies.
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