Not a Pilot, but enjoy airplane humor


#1

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying our airline.” He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said: “Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?” “Why, no, Ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?”. The little old lady said, “Did we land, or were we shot down?”


#2

In response to how he checked the weather, “I just whip out my blue card with a hole in it and read what it says: ‘When color of card matches color of sky, FLY!’”

— Gordon Baxter


#3

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.


#4

MaCleod, since you’ve flown the SeaBee a lot you’ll understand when I say it was the only airplane I ever owned that you could put in a dive, loose a cylinder and stall out!

      Ernest K. Gann

#5

I never liked riding in helicopters because there’s a fair probability that the bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part.

— Lt. Col. John Wittenborn, USAFR


#6

A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. From the plane came a laconic southern voice:
Dunno - we ain’t done crashin’ yet.


#7

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:


#8

I am a pilot and this one of my airplane short stories. Maybe about thirty years ago (pre-TSA and other rules) I was on a Delta flight from the interior to Atlanta. Our captain was one of those friendly cowboy tour guides. The whole flight was narrated, every river, town, and bump from convective turbulence. That continued until we were on final. The touchdown was one of hardest I’ve experienced. The passengers and crew were stunned and silent for moments when a quick-witted flight attendant, in her beautiful southern drawl took the intercom and announced “ladies and gentlemen, we have attacked Atlanta and she has surrendered!” The cabin laughter was deafening, but the flight deck was conspicuously silent and the the door remained closed thruout deboarding.


#9

:laughing: Love that story!


#10

Excellent. Reminds me of this one:
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, “What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: “I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I’ll have enough parts for another one.”


#11

ROFL


#12

We had a several hour wait inside a plane while they inspected a new dent that someone found.
They were waiting for an Inspector to sign a piece of paper…
I was prepaired to offer assistance with some bondo and primer… but my wife wisely vetoed the idea.


#13

My uncle Elmer passed away several years ago. He lived an ambitious, colorful life. He lived much of his life in Alaska and loved to fly.
Shortly after World War 2, he decided to fly a plane load of fresh apples to the homestead for Christmas. To put this in perspective, my Mother, who was born and raised up there never saw a watermelon till she was 16. All food for the winter was purchased in bulk and stored in the basement. Pretty much everything dried or canned.
So Elmer intended this to be an epic event.
As he was flying over a high mountain pass, the motor cut out on him. He glided it to the smoothest place he could find which happened to be a glacier. The wheels dug in and he snapped a landing strut.
Fortunately, he had radio contact with a buddy at the airport, and soon another plane… with skis joined him.
His buddy hopped out, inspected the damage and suggested a strategy. They emptied the plane and jacked it up. A few braces, bolts and some bailing wire later and things looked more promising.
The friend examined the repair skeptically and observed,’ Ya’ know, Elmer… you can take off with that load, or you can land with that load… but you can’t do both. ’

 Elmer had to agree. He shuffled reluctantly over to the mound of boxes.... sat on one. Slowly removed the lid from another.....reached in... grabbed an apple... took a bite, ....then tossed it over his shoulder.

He grabbed a second one.and did the same.
After the third apple, he looked at his buddy and said,’ You know what?..I’ve always wanted to do this, but never could afford it till now.’

For many years, that mountain pass was on their flight path to Anchorage.
Every time he flew over that spot, he would lower a wing and ask the passengers to inspect the area.
‘You see that spot,’ he would say… ’ Years ago I planted an orchard on that glacier. … I just wanted to see how it is coming along.’

All the best,

Harv


#14

Good story.


#15

That was really funny! I think it could be a bluegrass song, something akin to Johnny Cash’s Cadillac. (The Cherokee DC8)


#16

A two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 200 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.


#17

Nice


#18

Lol


#19

Airplane mechanic log.

Problem… Solution


#20

Mmmmmmmk