Forum - Banjo Ben Clark

Asking for help

The things I have learned through the years are many but there are a few I have taken to heart in the past couple of years I was one that always took things way to serious ( i had to make as much money as I could and never stopped to smell the roses so to speak) and have since learned there is no need to take little things that serious , another thing I have learned is never take things for granted as those things you do take for granted may not be there vary long in the future, enjoy life because it may be short on this earth and can be taken in a flash, money is not everything and it cannot buy you happiness money is not the route of all evil man is, I have always achieved everything I have ever set out to do but feel I still have nothing to show for what I have achieved it is a burden I place on my self with a feeling of failure, if this is getting to deep for anyone quit reading and go to a different post
This is where I am at in my life at present I am not one that ask for help with anything as help usually does not come until it is to late, April 1,2019 my wife and I was dealt a hand that almost cost us everything as you all know from some of my other post my wife was struck by a hit and run driver in phoenix Arizona while taking a walk, and for someone that was already dealing with a terrible disease it was a devastating blow, I am asking for help from anyone that is reading this but not for money but for prayers my wife keeps telling me she no longer wishes to be here and I am worried that I will wake up and she will just be gone, my wife suffers from dementia and I see a little more of her disappear each day and I have no clue as to how to help her other then ask for prayers from anyone reading this, I cannot put her in a home as she is my life, so please do not suggest that to me I will not even consider that rite now.

Thank you everyone for reading

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Prayers are on the way :slightly_smiling_face::purple_heart:.
Dementia is a horrible disease, my Mother had severe. My sister and I took turns as her caregivers. (Mom & Dad would live with us, then w my sister & her husb, swapping out a few times a year)
As a caregiver, it is mentally, physically and emotionally demanding, sleep (if you’re lucky) with one eye open, on call 24/7. I truly admire your unwavering commitment to take care of your wife. That is awesome! She is blessed to have you! Dementia removes any verbal filters or reservations that the individual had. Often times harsh things are said. We noticed with Mom that she would have spells of better/worse days. When her mood was turning from good to bad she would retain fragments of things in her memory, not enough to form cognitive thoughts, but enuff that she knew something was wrong with her, that she was unable to function - this was when she would say the terrible & horribly negative things. I would go and check on her several times in the night.
Sometimes this downward mood went on for days. Eventually she would actually forget, and her mood would improve. We found music & laughter (even if only at silly or childish things) sticking to routines, to be a big help for her. Helpful to us was speaking with those friends of ours that had been thru the turmoils of dementia with their own loved one, taking time to take care of ourselves (which can be difficult when 110% of your time is dedicated to caretaking), plenty of prayers, & just simply relishing each moment for what it was - time spent with her. Wishing the best for you and your wife, may the Lord be with you and guide you thru :purple_heart:

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Prayers for you and your dear wife. I can’t even imagine going through your ordeal.

Nutrition is kind of a passion of mine. If you think your wife would be willing to try some (very serious) dietary changes, I’d be happy to work with you. Medical doctors aren’t legally allowed to give dietary advice, so don’t depend on your doctor to help you with nutrition.

I’ve read amazing turn around stories about dementia and Alzheimer’s patients with the right dietary changes and supplement regimen. Shoot me a PM if you’re interested.

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I’ll be praying daily. Please keep us updated.
Also, could you tell us her name ? I would like to use her name in prayer instead of just Mrs Smith.

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Praying.

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Don,

Thanks for putting the prayer request out there. I will most certainly pray for you both as you go through this difficult time- I cannot even imagine the emotional and spiritual pain you are experiencing.

But the most important thing to realize is that no matter what kind of treatments she takes, even if she lives a long, happy life to 100… she will die someday.

All of us have an appointment with death, and all the treatments the world has to offer can only delay that appointment. Your wife’s situation simply means that her appointment is probably sooner than yours or mine.
But I don’t know that. In a few hours, I plan on risking my life by stepping into a vehicle and moving down the street at high velocities, with other drivers just a short distance away from me doing the exact same thing.

My friend, I could be leaving this world sooner than your wife will.

And you know why that does not scare me AT ALL?

Because I am certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, where I am going to spend eternity.

The reason is because “God so loved so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

You see, GOD loved you and me enough to humble Himself and be born in a human body.

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. - Philippians 2:5-8

God was manifest in the flesh- 1 Timothy 3:16

God loved us enough to come to earth in a human body. He lived a perfect, sinless life- a life that only God could live. He healed many people of earthly ailments. But His main purpose when He came was not to heal or set up a kingdom. His purpose was to die to make a way of forgiveness. Salvation!

He was accused of blasphemy (claiming to be God)… But He was not a blasphemer, because He was God.

He died a slow, painful death on the cross, on a hill called Calvary.

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?- Matthew 27:46

God the Father turned His back to God the Son as He bore our sins in his own body on the tree.

…he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

Jesus Christ finished it on the cross! And three days and three nights later, he ROSE FROM THE DEAD- Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Jesus freely offers to every person everlasting life and salvation from Hell. There are no works that man can offer to God for salvation. This is what sets Christianity apart from religion… Religion is men trying to get to God. Christianity is God condescending to man!

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. -Ephesians 2:8-9

In Acts chapter 16, a suicidal man asked the most important question a lost man could ask…

Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. -Acts 16:30-31

It’s that simple. God’s righteousness to your account. Jesus paid the cost to forgive your sins- will you receive His offer of forgiveness and salvation?

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life. - Jesus Christ in John 5:24

I cannot say for certain whether or not God will choose to heal your wife of physical ailments. But I’ll tell you what’s infinitely better than being healed of earthly troubles- being saved from everlasting Hell and going to Heaven!

Below is what I consider the greatest lesson segment on the site… yes, even better than banjo utility rolls and Peaches & Cream harmony…

https://banjobenclark.com/lessons/there-is-a-fountain-guitar-intermediate/video/what-is-the-fountain

May God richly bless you, Don.

-Michael

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Don, I join with brothers and sisters from all over to pray for you and your wife. I am praying for you all today and I’ll pray in the future. As you read the responses above that are written in love, may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that YOU may overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13)

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Don, will do. While not in your exact situation, we have had these kinds of concerns in our family (and anticipate more). You are not alone, and we are honored to be asked.

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@Don_Smith you are a GOOD man. You are taking the right approach, albeit more difficult then I can imagine. Thanks for having the courage to post! Prayers are on the way.

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Don you’re in my prayers.

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First I want to apologize for not responding before now

@Mark_Rocka, @xmark, @Mike_R, @Buckeye, @Michael_Mark, @blkelk31051 , @Archie, @Lone_Wolf, @Simone
Thank each and everyone of you for your prayers they are greatly appreciated more than each and every one of you will probably ever truly know, that is why I consider everyone on this forum as extended family
Again your prayers are greatly appreciated

I really do not have a lot of friends that I can talk to and confide in, my wife’s family I may as well talk to a wall because they just do not truly get it at all, so I feel pretty much alone in this whole thing with my wife, sometimes I guess you just have to get things out.

@lonewolf223 my wife’s name is Robbin and it is spelled with two Bs

Dementia is probably one of the most terrible disease’s I believe anyone can go through it not only takes its tole on the person that is unfortunate to have it, but it also takes a tole on those there with that person especially if you do not have a support group I myself am to the point where I am mentally and physically wore out yesterday I just broke down and started crying uncontrollably and if you have never seen a 7 ft 1 inch man on his knees crying like that it is not a pretty site I was crying and praying and something in me told me to post on this site and type from my heart, I do not know if it was God all I will say is it was a inner voice if that makes sense, so that is what I did I posted it up.

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My friend @Don_Smith, it’s 5:30 in the morning here in Tennessee and I’m just reading this. I’m crying out to God for and with you and sweet Robbin. I have never walked the road you’re on. I have been broken to nothing a few times and know what you mean when you say crying uncontrollably. It’s a humbling and vulnerable time. During those times, everything that is flimsy and fake just falls away–pursuit of money, things, etc. The only thing left are things that are true and worthy.

When I went through one of these times I felt I finally understood what Paul wrote in Romans 8:26- Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Even when we don’t know what to pray and are at the end of ourselves, our Good God prays for us and asks for what we need. I don’t know exactly how to pray for you right now, but God does and we can trust him. I’d like to call and pray with you. Please send me your number through the contact form.

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@Don_Smith, I’ll be praying for you and Robbin. Praying for God’s peace and soundness to surround the minds of you both, and that you would have strength as you care for her. I am sure she knows you love her and when her mind is clear again someday in heaven you will be richly rewarded! God will give you the grace to make it through one day at a time, and that’s all you need to think about. You are doing it unto Jesus when you take care of her! May God bless you :heartpulse:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Arise, cry out in the night: in the beginning of the watches pour out thine heart like water before the face of the Lord: lift up thy hands toward him…”
‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭2:19‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Those that be planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing; To shew that the Lord is upright: he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭92:13-15‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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Praying for you and your wife!

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Oh Lord, I hear Don’s pain as I read the sad difficult news. Prayer is the best first path. Lord, We come before you seeking your will and especially your strength and wisdom. I lift up Don and Robbin to you and ask for your care and healing and help for direction. I pray for the local body to come beside them in their time of need. Lord give them comfort and assurance of your Spirit there with them. I ask this in Jesus name. Amen

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Don, I am holding you and your wife in the light. I understand your reluctance to find a continuing care community for your wife. I work in such a community and easily half of the folks I work with have dementia to some degree (many of them have severe dementia). My job is to help keep them feeling secure, upbeat and cared for.

My best suggestion is that you find a local dementia support group. Not only will such a group offer mental/emotional support for you, but it can also be a wonderful core reference for helpful information on how to juggle all of the responsibilities, and what help there may be in your community that can make you and your wife’s life easier and more enjoyable.

Here is a good place to start: https://www.alzconnected.org/?_ga=2.208047250.1440936920.1617678301-1556823667.1617678301

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Praying for you and Robbin.

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@Don_Smith, I will certainly keep you and Robbin in my prayers!

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@BanjoBen, @Flatpickin_Libby, @ChrisWms, @Tim_C, @DrGuitar1, @Rich, @Timothy_L

Thank all of you for your prayers they are greatly appreciated
and again I apologize for taking so long to thank every one, I have to respond to things when I finally get my wife calmed down for the night, tonight is highly unusual it is not normal as usually its somewhere around 3 - 4 Am Arizona time before she finally decides to go to sleep for the night and she usually gets up around 6-7 am so I get vary little sleep most nights she actually decided to lay down tonight at 9 pm so I feel like I am getting a little longer break tonight, I hate that I am burdening people with my life but I will tell you this seems to be relaxing my mind and I feel like a ton of crap is being shed in some ways off my shoulders So thank you everyone

@BanjoBen I will be sending a pm with my number

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@lonewolf223 I have to apologize to you for not including you in my first thank you post I completely missed you and believe me it was not intentional I just clicked the wrong lonewolf by accident so thank you

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