Welcome Annie! Is your guitar set up correctly? I’ve played guitars that I had no hope playing anything on cuz the strings were so high, and I’ve played other guitars that were so easy to play I could hold bar chords for hours, cuz the strings were nice and low. I’d encourage you to make sure your strings are nice and low and then go and practice and try to strengthen your hands and learn those bar chords. I used to be super intimidated by them, and then I started playing them, and they sounded awful for a while until my hands got stronger and then they got a bit better and better with practice
Discuss the Guitar lesson: Sweet By-and-By- Fingerstyle
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This will keep you from ever doing them.
Better to say “not yet”…things take time…barre chords are not easy and it might take a couple years (or so) to build the dexterity & strength to pull them off.
I’ve been doing things that were “impossible” for me in the beginning for forty years now on several different instruments as well in other things in life.
Was it frustrating? you bet
did I think I might never get it? many times
did I give up? no
I’ve worked on breaks to songs that took me over two years to get right. .
Some things take a long time to get…but “can’t” & “Never” need to leave your vocabulary
Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh…it isn’t meant that way…but a positive frame of mind and a “can do (eventually)” attitude are really necessary to get over the difficult humps we run into in life as well as in music.
I believe you can do them eventually!
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Yeah, I play bar chords sometimes, but I prefer to play them on electric guitars due to ease of pushing the strings and better sound. I am working on it though.
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Wow, I’m super impressed with the quick response! I don’t know of anyone to look at my guitar but I suppose it is worth looking into before I say I give up on bar chords. Thanks for the encouragement.
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Stick with this group Annie, they’ll see you through and won’t give up on you if you don’t 
You can also upload a video of yourself playing, for example, trying barr chords, and the folks here, including @BanjoBen himself, will offer suggestions. This is a very safe and encouraging community; give it a try.
Also, FYI if you want to get someone’s attention in a particular post, just use the @ followed by their username. I’m glad you’re here.
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Hey Annie! Welcome to the forum. I’ll second Gunnar’s advice on having someone check your guitar setup. If you can’t do that, see if you can find someone with a properly set up guitar or even an electric guitar to see if you can play barre chords on those.
An additional benefit from checking in to this is that if your guitar isn’t set up properly and you find that out, you can get it fixed, which will speed up your overall learning process.
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Hello Annie, welcome!
I think @Dragonslayer diagnosed your issue correctly. I too used to have hard time playing until I reduced the action to the recommended setting. I gather that the average action (distance between the string and the fret) at the 12th fret should be 3/32 inches on the bass side and 1/16 inches on the treble side. Here is an article that explains it. https://acousticguitar.com/checking-and-adjusting-saddle-height/ Here is also another article on what order you should adjust it…https://www.guitarrepairbench.com/acoustic-guitar-repairs/lower-saddle-action/ I just checked my guitar and it is at about the preferred setting. However my saddle height is more than the recommendation by the acoustic pickup that is beneath it. I’d probably have to buy a new saddle and reduce its height by the pickup thickness.
So you may want to, (here I’m assuming nut action is not too high)
- Gently adjust the truss rod to lower the action as necessary.
- Measure the action at the 12th fret on the 6th string (recommended 3/32 inches) and 1st string (recommended 1/16th inches) to see if it is to the recommendation.
- If 12th fret action is still not to the recommended level, then adjust and set the the saddle height (height between bridge and the top of saddle) to two times the above recommended values to get the desired action at the 12th fret. (I’d probably buy a new “compensated” saddle and file it if lowering is required, instead of messing with the factory one.)
- Then make sure all notes are playable.
Experts like @Mark_Rocka can correct me if I am wrong.
Another thing could be to do with your string material/texture. I purchased Elixir medium phosphor bronze strings from Ben’s store per his advice. I find them much smoother to play.
And you should see marked improvement with your barre chord playing.
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Excellent point! Temporarily switching to the lightest gauge you can find would be a good test. You might lose some tone, but it’s worth it for the test.
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Three months later…Starting to barr the B,E strings on the F chord in Sweet By and By. Haven’t changed anything on the guitar. Have to slow way down to get a decent sound and transition through the chords. Getting that muscle memory in the fingers from chord to chord. I must 've played this a hundred times already and still slow going. But a small progress anyway.
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Here ya are! Thanks for giving us the tools to build our own arrangements. Banjo Ben Rules!!!
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Hi Neil. Great Job. Always great to see a family band. Look forward to the day that @BanjoBen and his daughters step up to the mike.
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do you think you can make a lesson for the song i fly away on the guitar,intermediate and alternating thumb?
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That’s a great suggestion @Trenchuk but that song is still under copyright as far as i know. 
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I think he used to have one but removed it for copyright reasons.
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Super!!
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this is amazing ,i have practiced in the sweet by and by for almost two weeks but every time i play it for some one i mes up got any tips
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Play it for two years and I bet that goes away…
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Play it 500 more times… if that would not improve, keep this aside and move on to various other finger style lessons. And in the near or far future depending on your efforts, you would be able to play it cleanly without much more practice on this song.
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played this song for church and never messed up !
thanks for your tips
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